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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22993663">Just say you won’t let go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafaholic/pseuds/rafaholic'>rafaholic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tennis RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fedal - Freeform, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:41:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22993663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafaholic/pseuds/rafaholic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s 2004 and Roger meets the man who will change his life forever. But it’s not always easy to recognize love when you find it...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Roger Federer/Rafael Nadal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Confusions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Well, yeah this is kind of messy but that’s just my way of seeing things. Thanks to my girls from the best gc ever for helping me to write this fic by inspiring me daily.<br/>Hope you like it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2004</p><p>Of everything Roger could have thought, to lose from a random guy in the 2R of Miami tournament was just the last possible one. Who even was this Nadal? Where had he came out from? He remembered having played some doubles match against him, a bunch of days earlier, but he could just never have thought this. He didn’t see this loss coming. And what about the handshake at the net? That guy had just won against the world number one and seemed what? Sorry? He had barely celebrated the win. What the hell was wrong with him?<br/>
Roger was thinking about all of this under the scorching hot water of the shower. He wanted to wash away every trace of that loss and move on. Just stop moping and move to the next tournament. In the end, he was Roger fucking Federer. World number one. That guy was just a kid who had had a lucky day. Right? A meteor nobody would remember or heard about again, right? Just some kind of Indio he would never have to deal with again. </p><p>Right? </p><p>It turned out the kid was actually waiting for him, sitting on a bench in the locker room. He was looking at the floor but when saw Roger walking towards him, he immediately stood up, almost reverentially.<br/>
Roger sighed.<br/>
He was not in the mood for the millionth “can we take a pic please?” of the day. But he neither was the kind of player who could ever deny a pic to a colleague who seemed to look up to him that much.</p><p>“Can I help you?”, he asked, while starting to dress up, speaking the words maybe a bit too harshly cause something in the brown eyes of that boy changed instantly.<br/>
Roger forced himself to smile, trying unconsciously to make things less uncomfortable for everyone.</p><p>“I... no... I want say... I sorry for beat you.”, the guy said in the worst english Roger had possibly ever heard.<br/>
It was actually unexpected for him to hear those words from the guy who had just beaten him but it unconsciously prompted him to smile slightly. More sincerely now.<br/>
He waved his hand, unbothered.</p><p>“No problem. Had a bad day.”</p><p>With this, Roger finished to dress up and took his bags, ready to leave. He was almost out of that locker room when he stopped and turned around to face his unusual interlocutor, who was now again staring at the floor.</p><p>“Listen... what’s your name?”</p><p>The guy raised his gaze.</p><p>“Rafael”</p><p>“Okay, Rafael. Never apologize for a win. Not to me, not to anyone else.”</p><p>Rafa looked a bit confused but grateful to having got something out of that conversation. He just nodded. </p><p>“Just don’t. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay”</p><p>“Good. See you around.”</p><p>That said, Roger left the locker room and headed for the outside. Why he had had the feeling that two big brown eyes had been following him until the exit door, he did not know and chose not to think about.</p><p>It was not before an exact year later that Roger saw Rafael again on court. But this time the music had changed. There was just no way he could let him win again. And he didn’t. He went two sets down but he recovered and got the win in a spectacularly dramatic match. While walking to the net he couldn’t help thinking about the previous year. </p><p>Not exactly a meteor nobody would heard about again, uhm?</p><p>Not at all.<br/>
And Roger started to understand it.<br/>
He definitely understood it a couple of months later, when the supposed meteor defeated him in the semifinal of the French Open.<br/>
And that was the moment when Roger Federer knew that was nothing but the beginning. People would heard about him again. People would remember him.<br/>
And when, in the locker room, Rafael sun smiled to him, clasping their hands together in a respectful but sincere greeting, Roger knew he would remember him too. </p><p>They didn’t met each other on court again that year but they saw each other at almost every tournament and their relationship started to evolve in something than quick exchanges in the locker rooms. If this guy would going to be his biggest obstacle on the way of trophies from then on, better would have been to know him better. It wasn’t always easy to communicate with him due to the language barrier but they managed to understand each other. And that was enough.</p><p>It was enough, until their next match.</p><p>When Roger lost to Rafa in Dubai, it didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. The kid was growing up and every time he looked more and more comfortable on court. He moved like he knew exactly what to do. Roger was impressed but couldn’t say he wasn’t expecting that. During the last two years he had observed him and he had seen him change his game, adapting it to the opponent and to the surface. The win on court was just the natural consequence.</p><p>And Rafa was so happy he felt invincible. He felt he could do anything. Winning the tournament, winning more tournaments, even flying, touching the sky, floating through the clouds and even asking Roger Federer out.<br/>
So he did, just like that. And Roger froze.</p><p>“You mean... go to dinner like... a date?”, he asked him, almost convinced Rafa would burst laughing and say it was a joke. But he didn’t and just nodded.</p><p>Roger just didn’t know what to say and in the end just said the truth.</p><p>“I am sorry, I have a girlfriend, uhm... yeah sorry but...”</p><p>“No no, don’t be ... see you around.”, Rafa urged to say and disappeared from his sight so quickly Roger though he may have imagined the whole thing.</p><p>He said to himself it was everything okay, and didn’t think about that event anymore. Not once. Except it was a lie.<br/>
He found himself that night, reading a book in bed next to his girlfriend, and having to come back again and again on the same line of the paragraph, cause his mind just didn’t allow him to focus on what he was reading. After half an hour he gave up.</p><p>“You know, something strange happened today...”, he said to Mirka.<br/>
She lowered her own book and turned to him. </p><p>“Yeah? Tell me”</p><p>Roger stayed silent for some moments, just to think about how telling the whole thing to Mirka without making it seem too weird.</p><p>“You know Nadal?”</p><p>She laughed.</p><p>“Yes, Roger, I definitely know the guy who keeps beating you since 2004, you know?”, she joked and he giggled with her.</p><p>“What did he do?”</p><p>“Well... he actually... asked me for a date”, he revealed, blushing a little.</p><p>“Oh”</p><p>Roger felt immediately lighter, as it had been something he actually was feeling kind of guilty about. And now that he had confessed it to Mirka, he felt in peace with himself. </p><p>“So he actually found the courage, at last”, she added smiling.</p><p>Roger raised his eyebrow.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Rog, you can’t possibly be telling me you didn’t notice he has a massive crush on you.”</p><p>“He has... what... how do you know?”</p><p>“Oh my god, Roger, you are so blind. He looks at you like you were God incarnated”, she laughed.</p><p>Roger just stared at her and shook his head, apparently unbothered, trying to pretend the thought hadn’t touched him at all.<br/>
He pulled her close and started to kiss her deeply.</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry for Rafael then, cause I am pretty taken.”</p><p>He started to undress her, kissing every inch of skin he uncovered. When later he pushed inside her, he said to himself he wasn’t thinking about any other body. But when he came, his eyes were firmly closed. </p><p>The next time he saw Rafael it was on Monte Carlo’s clay.<br/>
In the locker room the Spaniard was impossibly embarrassed. As long as he had been on court, things had been fine. Tennis was his armor, tennis was what he did the best. On court he was a fearless warrior. But when he met Roger’s eyes out of it, every bit of confidence disappeared and he returned to be the impossibly shy kid of that day in Miami.<br/>
He averted Roger’s gaze in every possible way until the Swiss decided it was enough.</p><p>“Rafael, you don’t have to avoid me okay? What happened, happened. I’m not mad and I don’t think bad of you. Okay?”</p><p>Rafa looked at him for the first time since that day in Dubai and started to feel his body relaxing a bit. He smiled sweetly, grateful that Roger had decided to break the wall of guilt and pride he had built himself but didn’t know how to get rid of anymore.</p><p>“Okay”, he just said.</p><p>“So, can we be friends? Do you want it?” </p><p>Rafa just nodded vigorously.</p><p>“Yes, of course Roger.”</p><p>They smiled simultaneously and Roger unthinkingly came closer and hugged him sweetly. He pretended not to notice the heavy shudder that shook Rafa’s body.</p><p>The friendship they settled that day was heavily challenged in the next two years from the every time more frequent encounters on court between them. It seemed that tennis was now about them two. Nobody else could touch them. They where Federer and Nadal. It used to be only Roger up there but, day by day, the Swiss found himself not minding at all not to be the only one anymore. He had always known someday, somewhere, someone would have reached him and put on a valid fight. He may actually have been waiting and hoping for it to happen.</p><p>The good thing was they were perfectly complementary on court.<br/>
The bad thing was Roger was beginning to consider they may be out of the court too.</p><p>It’s not something he could allow himself to think about properly, at the beginning. He was sure it was only about the tension of their rivalry which appeared to be every day more solid and destined to last forever.<br/>
It had to be that, Roger thought. He was straight as an arrow. He was in love with his girlfriend. He wasn’t definitely looking at Rafa Nadal in any other way than with the eyes of a rival. A friend yeah, maybe even a friend. But that was it.</p><p>Well, at least until the French Open final in 2008.</p><p>Rafa was untouchable that day. He was just on another level. He didn’t just dominate the court, he owned the court. The match passed in a blur, Roger wasn’t able to collect more than a couple of games. By the time the match was over he couldn’t remember a single thing Rafa had done wrong. He had been perfect. As simple as that.<br/>
He should feel destroyed but didn’t. He kept looking at Rafa, during the speech, during the Spanish anthem. He kept watching him while he raised his fourth Roland Garros to the sky, while he walked to the locker room and while he started to remove his clothes to have his deserved shower.<br/>
They were unusually silent.<br/>
Roger wanted to say something but for some reason he just couldn’t.<br/>
So Rafa was the one to do it.</p><p>“Rog... you will win this title, I sure.”</p><p>Roger woke up from his thread of thoughts and raise his gaze to meet Rafa’s.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The French Open. You will win it, I promise”</p><p>“Yeah, I hope so Rafa.”</p><p>The Spaniard just nodded and patted his arm, squeezing it a bit. Roger shivered. From that close he could clearly see the grains of clay coloring his strong muscles and invading his back. When Rafa turned and walked to the shower, Roger couldn’t help checking out his ass. He unconsciously clenched his fists until the knuckles became white. Then he hurried to remove his clothes and reached his own shower cubicle. Under the calming water flow, Roger Federer just wrapped an hand around his own cock and jerked off shamelessly, thinking of washing off those clay grains from the shoulders of his greatest rival. He came in half a minute. </p><p>He blamed once again the tension of the match. The frustration of the loss. He tried to divert the thought every time he was near to Rafa, every time he met him on and off court. He managed to archive that event as a one time weakness and he forced himself to act normal in his presence. But when, months later, in Australia, Rafa’s arm was around his neck, when the Spaniard was speaking comforting nothings in his ear, calming and reassuring, trying to dry his tears with promises of better times, Roger’s remaining barriers collapsed. The feeling of want and need toward that man surged again, forcefully and unbearable. He cried even more, after everything was said and done. He cried cause he had lost the Australian Open. He cried cause he had realized he was falling for Rafael.<br/>
He knew it was crazy but the affection in the Spaniard’s eyes while promising Roger he would win another slam title for sure, and the sweet smile... He just couldn’t help it. It was an overwhelming feeling that was having the best of him.<br/>
And that had him panicking.<br/>
Completely.<br/>
Whatever it was, it had to stop. One way or another. </p><p>He waited for Mirka to come home and without allowing any second thought he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Then just like that he said it.</p><p>“Marry me.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Roger has it all more clear now...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mirka actually said yes. Roger married the woman of his life, the woman who some months later gave him two beautiful babies. And actually the birth gave Roger the kind of emotional tranquility he was looking for and calmed the turmoil in his head. He felt safe in his bubble now. He was a straight married man, father of two. That thing with Rafa... was just a tennis related thing. That’s what he kept saying to himself. Once he’ll be over with the tennis every trace of it would disappear. <br/>He just had to find a way to avoid it until then.</p><p>Except, it wasn’t that easy.<br/>Rafa was around often, too often. Rafa was on court, in locker rooms, in hotels, in conference halls, in kid’s days and charity events. He was everywhere and Roger struggled to quiet the voice in his head that kept repeating his life was pretty good but something was missing. Roger hadn’t accept he may not be straight. He couldn’t maybe. What he knew, the only thing he knew, was that the way his heart reacted to Rafa’s proximity wasn’t normal at all.<br/>Its not like he didn’t want to understand better what he was feeling. What he was experiencing. But Rafa was... well, Rafa. He couldn’t bear to think of going to him and telling him, just to understand maybe it had been just a confusion, later. He couldn’t bear to think of ruining the friendship with him, to think of messing up their following matches just for something he didn’t even know what it was. He cared too much for him not to evaluate the possible consequences of his actions. </p><p>And that’s why after years of struggling, he decided to figure things out in his own way.<br/>He called one of his greatest friends, Gavin, who time ago had confessed him to be attracted by both men and women. He knew he would have listened to him without judging. Plus, he knew he could give him the advices he needed. <br/>They met each other at his friend’s house in summer of 2013.<br/>They sat on the couch and drank a couple of beers before they started to talk about it.</p><p>“So, you’re having some kind of middle age crisis at 31? Aren’t you too young for that?”</p><p>Roger giggled but turned serious immediately after.</p><p>“I don’t know, shit, I really don’t. I am always been convinced I was straight and I would have never wanted anyone else than Mirka but... my God, he’s so fucking amazing.”</p><p>“Well, did you tell him that? Do you know if he feels the same for you?”</p><p>Roger sighed heavily and hid his eyes in his hands. </p><p>“I can’t tell him, I... what if I realize it is just a momentary confusion? What if I tell him and we have something but then I understand I’m actually straight and...”, he stopped, not even daring to think about the possibility to lose Rafa forever. He sighed. “I just can’t do this to him if I am not entirely sure about my sexuality, you know? He’s basically a kid next to me and he’s a great friend. He doesn’t deserve to be some kind of lab rat to help me understand who I really am.”</p><p>His friend smiled, and Roger raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“What’s funny?”</p><p>“Roger, judging from how you speak of him, I don’t know why you’re doubting. It’s crystal clear he means the world to you.”, then he came closer to Roger and switched to a teasing tone, turning his body completely to him.<br/>“But if you want, I’ll be glad to be your lab rat”, he said, starting to kissing Roger’s neck causing him to gasp in surprise.</p><p>“Wait, wait, are you sure that’s a good idea?”, he managed to ask, when he recovered from the initial shock.</p><p>His friend shrugged.</p><p>“Why not? You can’t hurt me, by the way. I’ll have some good sex and you will understand if you can go with your beloved kid without dumping him the day after. We all win.”, he answered with a wide grin on his lips.</p><p>Roger places his empty beer on the table and sighed. Then turned to Gavin and kissed him, trying desperately to feel something. Excitement or disgust, want or rejection. But something.<br/>He was thinking too much and that showed.<br/>Gavin stop torturing his lips and looked at him.</p><p>“Roger, imagine you’re with him. Imagine my lips are Rafa’s.”</p><p>He nodded and closed his eyes. He felt his heart speed up in his chest when Gavin’s hand found his crotch. He let out some satisfied moans which were a tacit permission for his friend to continue his job.<br/>When he felt a wet mouth around his cock, he pictured Rafael’s lips moving up and down on it, his strong arms keeping him in place, his hair grazing his tights, and had to appeal to all his willpower not to come there and then.</p><p>“Stop, fuck, I’m gonna come.”, he said, breathlessly.<br/>“Can I fuck you?”, Roger asked, blushing a little but determined to get his shit sorted out. </p><p>“I’m not going to say no to that”, grinned his friend, getting up and offering Roger an hand, inviting him to follow to the bedroom.</p><p>It didn’t take Roger long. Just a couple of minutes and he was trying to catch his breath, splayed on his friend’s bedsheets. </p><p>“So are you straight, Roger?”, teased Gavin.</p><p>He laughed.</p><p>“Oh my god, no. I would say no.”, he uttered, covering his face with his arm. He was embarrassed but finally he had his answers. He dressed up and thanked his unexpected partner of that night. Then left the house, walking to his car. </p><p>He reached the house and immediately went to find Mirka who had just put the girls to sleep and was now starting to prepare for the night.</p><p>“It’s pretty late, Roger.”, she said without even looking at him.</p><p>“Mirka, we have to talk”</p><p>She raised her gaze, realizing the heaviness in her husband’s tone.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Mirka I... fuck, how do I tell you this...”, he started, pacing around the bedroom like some lost puppy.<br/>She came closer and stopped him, putting an hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Just say it, Roger.”</p><p>“Okay, yeah okay. I... I thought about it and I... think I am bisexual, Mirka.”, he said, closing his eyes half expecting some kind of catastrophe would follow his revelation.<br/>Instead he just heard her sighing and putting a bit of distance between them.</p><p>“Do you want to leave me?”, she asked. </p><p>“I.. what? No! We are still a family, we have the girls, we-“</p><p>“Okay, so it’s okay.”, she interrupted.</p><p>“But... how can this be okay, I mean...”</p><p>“Roger, I always kind of knew. I don’t know how but I always felt it... I can live with it. As long as you’re not planning to kick me out of your life, I can live with that.”, she explained, sweetly.</p><p>He hugged her, caressing her hair.<br/>“I would never.”</p><p>She smiled, reassured. <br/>“Okay then. Is that all?”</p><p>Roger slowed the grip on her and searched her eyes in the semi dark of their bedroom, only enlightened from the little lamp on his bedside table.</p><p>“No, that’s not all. I don’t know how you will take this but... I am feeling something for-“</p><p>“For Rafa?”</p><p>He stilled, shivering a little. As if the mere fact she had spoken his name was making that new situation too real and too heavy to bear.<br/>His eyes suddenly filled with tears and he tried not to let them fall.<br/>Mirka kissed his cheek and smiled a bit sadly.</p><p>“Roger, I know. Possibly, every one who has eyes knows. God, after the French Open final in 2011, I feared you were going to kiss him in front of everyone...”</p><p>“Look Mirka, I am sorry...”</p><p>“No, don’t be sorry. You can’t help what you feel, can you?”</p><p>He shook his head no.</p><p>“We will figure this out, Rog. I am okay, and I’m the mother of your children. I love you and I now you love me.”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“But you are in love with Rafa, right?”</p><p>When he didn’t answer, she knew that conversation was over. </p><p>“Let’s go to bed Roger. Tomorrow you can talk with him. Now it’s very late, even for a Spaniard”, she concluded, trying to lighten the mood. She was smiling but Roger didn’t miss the sadness in her eyes when she kissed his cheek and turned off the lamp.</p><p>The next day Roger didn’t talk to Rafa. He decided to wait for the US Open to begin so he could talk to him properly, looking to him in the eye. It was something too important for him to be confessed by phone.<br/>Or maybe he was just too scared to do it, cause the tournament started and he still hadn’t find his courage. Plus, he had to focus on his tennis in one of the most important tournaments of the year.<br/>But he couldn’t exactly focus and ended up losing to Robredo early in the tournament. Rafa instead was destroying his opponents round after round, heading for the trophy. </p><p>He did win that trophy.</p><p>And Roger was so proud. <br/>He knew there wouldn’t be a better chance to tell him what he was dying to tell him. So he actually waited for him to come back from the party he had had with his team. He was staying just a couple of rooms far from his so it wasn’t difficult to acknowledge the moment he came back, chatting in rapid Spanish with Moya and Maymo. <br/>He looked from the peephole to make sure he was entering his room alone.<br/>He almost laughed at his childish behavior but then he breathed deeply and decided to go for it.</p><p>When he knocked at Rafa’s door he felt his heart running so much he think it may break his chest and go talk to Rafa in person. <br/>When the Spaniard opened the door his mouth went dry. He was really beautiful. His shirt unbuttoned, the tie loosen on his shoulders. They must have gone to celebrate in a fancy place cause he clearly had bothered to dress up. He looked almost shocked to see Roger at his door that late in the night, and more cause he thought Roger had left soon after his defeat in the tournament.<br/>After a few seconds of loss, though, he smiled brightly and gestured for Roger to enter the room.<br/>He did, not daring to look him in the eye.<br/>Luckily for Roger, it was kind of dark inside so Rafa wouldn’t be able to notice his flushed cheeks.</p><p>“Hi Rafa, I am sorry, I know it’s very late but... do you have some time?”</p><p>The Spaniard hadn’t stopped smiling since and nodded sincerely.</p><p>“Sure, what is it?”</p><p>“Uhm... you may want to sit before?”</p><p>Rafa frowned.</p><p>“You scaring me, Roger. You okay si?”</p><p>Roger smiled, and went to sit on the couch, waiting for Rafa to join him.</p><p>“I am okay Rafa I just have something to tell you”</p><p>“Is bad thing?”, Rafa pushed, a bit worried.</p><p>“No, Raf. Not at all. Well, not for me at least.”</p><p>“Okay so, tell me.”</p><p>Roger inhaled deeply and tried to speak the words but he just couldn’t. He looked like a child at his first crush. He started to fiddle with the sleeves of his blue pullover, avoiding Rafa’s gaze until the Spaniard placed an hand on his jaw a forced him to look at him.</p><p>“Roger, talk”</p><p>He gently took Rafa’s hand from his jaw and tightened his own around it.</p><p>“Do you... do you remember that time in Dubai? When you asked me to go to dinner and I said no?”, he started.</p><p>Rafa looked puzzled and a bit uncomfortable by then.</p><p>“Roger you came here to embarrass me?”; he said trying to free his hand from Roger’s grip, but the Swiss didn’t allow him.</p><p>“No Rafa. Not at all. Oh my god, this is difficult...”, he stopped. “Let me put it in another way. Would you consider that proposal again?”</p><p>Rafa was searching in his eyes for some explanation to that strange question. It may be due to the tiredness of the match but he actually couldn’t make things click in his head.</p><p>“Roger, what are you saying?”</p><p>“That I would be glad to accept it, now. If... if you still want it, of course.”, he said. And in that moment he knew Rafa was starting to realize. He felt his hand slightly shivering under his own.</p><p>“Roger, are you saying you-“</p><p>“I’m saying I fell in love with you. And maybe it’s too late and I’ll regret this, maybe you just don’t see me that way anymore, but I had to tell you, Rafa. I... I love you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Satisfactions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay this one is a bit shorter. I promise I’ll make this up to you in the next chapter. Hope you like it, anyway. ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You love me?”</p><p>“Yes”</p><p>Rafa was looking at him as he was seeing him for the first time. He was clearly struggling to believe the words Roger had just spoken. He had wished to hear them for so long that he had eventually given up on that hope. And now they were real. They were there, floating between them and he was at loss of words. </p><p>“Raf... say something please...”</p><p>“I... I asked you out seven years ago...”</p><p>“I know, and I know I am very very late. I understand if you just don’t want me that way anymore, I totally understand”, Roger said, trying to pretend his heart wasn’t about to break in a thousand pieces.</p><p>“Why now?”, Rafa asked, following the thread of his thoughts.<br/>
And Roger sighed.</p><p>“I actually felt this for you for years now but... I was scared. I have always thought I was straight and I... I panicked, Rafa. I didn’t want to use you to sort out the confusion in my head. So I decided to wait until I was 100% sure. And now I am. I know you are not a confusion, you’re what I want.”</p><p>Rafa felt his heart melting under the strong grip of Roger’s hand and the tenderness in his eyes. He started to reply but Roger was quicker to start talking again.</p><p>“But as I said, I know I may have taken too much time and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for you. I just had to tell you. But if you want we can say no more about it, forget it and go on. I can go now if you-“</p><p>“Don’t you dare”, Rafa interrupted by putting a finger on Roger’s lips. Then his face came closer and closer, until his lips were one breath away from Roger’s. The moment before their mouths touched was something too intense to be described. There was everything in it. They could have just kissed, they were dying to do it. But they just stayed there for a moment, breathing heavily and looking at each other in the eye. In that instant they spoke with only their gazes. “Finally”, they said. “Finally you’re here”.<br/>
Then came the first soft touch and the world disappeared around them.<br/>
Roger couldn’t believe how soft Rafa’s lips were, hot sweet his kisses were. He had pictured to kiss Rafa hundred times and he always had imagined some roughness, some fierceness from the Spaniard. He was expecting him to be demanding as he was on court. But it was totally the opposite. Rafa was kissing him the way only someone who had dreamed to do it for a long time could. It was the most amazing feeling Roger had ever experienced and his heart was exploding with the tenderness of that moment.<br/>
When Rafa parted his lips a bit, allowing Roger’s tongue to tangle with his, Roger felt and urge to get his hands on him. He started to remove his shirt, already unbuttoned, but stopped on Rafa’s biceps, the center of his power, of all those amazing shots Roger has learned to know and to fear. He caressed them, feeling the Spaniard’s muscles contracting under his touch. Undressing Rafa without ceasing to kiss him wasn’t the easiest of works but he just couldn’t bring himself to part from him, to interrupt that amazing connection between them.<br/>
When Rafa was left bare chested he caressed his torso with his fingers, sweetly, just to prove himself he could. He could really touch Rafa that way.<br/>
The simple thought was enough to give him uncontrollable shivers. He started to kiss Rafa’s jaw, his neck, pushing him on the couch to reach as much of his skin he could. He was hearing his soft moans and they was everything Roger would listen to, all his life.<br/>
He pulled up to kiss him again on the lips and Rafa buried his head in the crook of his neck, hugging him tightly and sighing.</p><p>“Hey, is everything okay?”, Roger asked, worried to have done something wrong or that could have displeased him.</p><p>Rafa just kissed his neck sweetly. Then looked at him.</p><p>“Yes, Rog, is okay... I want this, I want you very much no? But...”</p><p>“What? What is it, Rafa?”</p><p>Rafa immediately pulled out one of his cutest expressions and his eyes almost wetted with tears. </p><p>“It’s I am really too tired, Rog, the match was exhausting, I... I want you so bad but I really really need sleep, I am sorry, don’t be mad, I-“</p><p>“Oh my God, baby, come here”, Roger interrupted him, pulling him close and drying with his thumb the single tear Rafa had allowed to come down. He pulled him closer to his chest and caressed slowly his head.<br/>
“It’s okay, God, you scared me. No, don’t cry, hey. We don’t have to do anything. Let’s go to sleep, you’re right. You have to be exhausted.”, he said, kissing Rafa’s forehead and then taking his hand, heading to the bedroom.</p><p>After a couple of minutes, they were ready to sleep. Rafa’s tired expression was the cutest thing Roger had ever seen. He lay down, opening an arm and gesturing for Rafa to join him. The Spaniard placed his head right on his shoulder and snuggled closer, pecking Roger’s lips. Roger held him close, still incredulous he was really allowed to do it.<br/>
He kissed repeatedly Rafa’s forehead, lulling him into dreams. </p><p>“Rog...”, he said softly, just when the Swiss was starting to think he was asleep.</p><p>“Uhm?”</p><p>“I love you so so much.”</p><p>Roger’s heart melted and he just couldn’t help smiling. He kissed his lips gently, never ceasing to caress his hair.</p><p>“I love you too, little one. Sleep now, I’m here. Not going anywhere.”</p><p>The next morning Roger woke up under a heavy arm splayed on his chest. He caressed it sweetly and turned to look at Rafa, still asleep. He looked so young, so innocent. And Roger couldn’t believe he had waited for so long. It was like every piece of the puzzle had now taken its place.<br/>
As if Rafa could hear his thoughts, he slowly moved and raised up his eyes to meet Roger’s.<br/>
He immediately smiled as the sun and hid his face into Roger’s neck.</p><p>“Good morning, Raf”</p><p>“Morning Rogi... you’re here...”</p><p>“Of course I’m here. Were you doubting?”</p><p>Rafa smiled again.</p><p>“I am just too happy... can’t believe it...”</p><p>Roger kissed him and the Spaniard just closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.<br/>
He deepened the kiss, slowly parting Roger’s lips with his tongue, earning soft moans from the Swiss. </p><p>“Not tired anymore?”, he teased.</p><p>“No, Rogi, full of energy now”</p><p>“Show me, please”, he joked, but the grin on his face was soon replaced by an expression of pure pleasure when Rafa took him in his mouth.<br/>
When soon after was his turn to prepare Rafa for himself, he was mesmerized by how responsive he was, allowing soft moans every time Roger’s fingers touched him just right.<br/>
The feeling of pushing inside him was what had the best of Roger. It was just all too much. The suffocating heat around his cock was driving him crazy. He leaned over Rafa, trying to feel him as close as possible. Then after a couple of minutes he started to set a pace. </p><p>“Rafa you... you feel... fuck...”</p><p>He couldn’t even express himself anymore, he just kept thrusting in him as his life depended on it. When Rafa came untouched, chanting his name, it was enough for Roger to let go too.<br/>
He leaned on Rafa trying to catch his breath.<br/>
Then he rolled to the side and get rid of the condom, gesturing for Rafa to come closer.</p><p>“It was...”</p><p>“It was amazing.”, Rafa completed.<br/>
“I am so happy now.”</p><p>“Well, you won the US Open, of course you’re happy”</p><p>“Shut up, you idiot”, Rafa replied, hitting him with his pillow.<br/>
“I almost forgot about US Open...”</p><p>Roger raised his eyebrow.<br/>
“I don’t believe you at all”</p><p>Rafa just laughed.</p><p>“You right. It’s lie. But without you here today I would be very less happy.”</p><p>“Okay, this I will take”, Roger accepted, and leaned in to kiss him again.</p><p>After some other time spending in bed just kissing and hugging, Roger started to prepare cause he had meet Mirka in half an hour. He hugged Rafa close and kissed him goodbye, then left and reached his suite with the brightest of smiles settled on his face.<br/>
He met his wife in her suite. They had booked two like every time in Slam tournaments cause Roger liked to have his own spaces before an important match.<br/>
The moment he met her eyes he immediately knew something was not the same as always. He came closer, starting to feel a vague sensation of panic inside his veins, shaking all his body.<br/>
She just hugged him and kissed his cheek.<br/>
Then, slowly, she said it.</p><p>“Roger, I’m pregnant.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Problems</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As I promised, this chapter is pretty longer that the previous one. I had intended to close the story in this chapter but I decided to add one more to be as precise as possible in my narration.<br/>I already tell you, this is a bit sad. My mood wasn’t great and this is the result. Hope to give you some happier stuff in the next and last chapter. Let me know what you think. ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next time they saw each other was in Paris Bercy, the tournament immediately absorbed all their energies and they couldn’t properly spend time together until they lost their respective semifinals against Ferrer and Djokovic.<br/>
They spent the night together, trying to heal each other’s wounds, with kisses and caresses. They were so needy for each other and could barely contain their happiness to be finally together again.<br/>
They were so needy for each other that Rafa completely missed the slight worry in Roger’s eyes when had entered the room. He had just melted into him, as no other thing mattered. And it was probably like that for him in that moment. There was Roger and only Roger. No place for anything else.<br/>
When they came, almost simultaneously, Roger inside Rafa, and Rafa in Roger’s fist, the world seemed to the Spaniard like it was aligned again.<br/>
He rolled away and smiled contentedly, looking at the Swiss who was still catching his breath.<br/>
He came closer to him kissing his neck and inhaling deeply his scent. </p><p>“I don’t care for loss in this moment. I am only happy to have you.”, he told him sweetly.</p><p>Roger kissed him but didn’t mirror his smile and didn’t say anything back. That behavior was enough for Rafa to start worrying. He frowned and put a bit of distance between them, to be able to look him in the eye.</p><p>“Everything okay, Rogi?”</p><p>The Swiss looked at him and couldn’t find the courage to ruin that moment between them. So he just focused on the sheer joy of having close the man he loved. He smiled brightly and that seemed to reassure Rafa enough. </p><p>“Yeah baby, everything okay. Come here.”, he pulled him close and hugged him tightly. The Spaniard was asleep in matter of minutes, while Roger couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt for not having been bold enough to tell him the truth.<br/>
Rafa deserved to know Roger would be soon father again, he knew Rafa deserved. And he knew he deserved to know it from him and not from the press. But he just couldn’t bring himself to cool the mood between them in the first proper encounter they had managed to arrange since that night in America.<br/>
He was there, blissfully asleep in his arms and he was everything Roger had ever dreamed of and much more.<br/>
Roger kept kissing his forehead, softly enough not to wake him up. He had never been the kind of person who likes to watch their partner sleeping, and yet with Rafa it was so natural. He wanted to wrap himself around him forever and take care of him, protect him from all the bad things of the world.<br/>
The simple thought he may be the one to hurt him was breaking his heart. </p><p>“God Raf. I love you. Don’t hate me please.”, he whispered and felt the Spaniard moving slightly in his sleep. Roger just tightened the grip on his body and tried to get some sleep.</p><p>Roger didn’t find the courage that night and he didn’t also one month lather when he saw him at the London ATP finals. He didn’t want to risk to spoil Rafa’s tennis nor his own.<br/>
The Spaniard reached the final while he flew to Basel the same night after his loss in the semi.<br/>
Roger knew he was treading on a dangerous path, he knew he had to talk with Rafa but he knew he couldn’t do it by phone.</p><p>It was a vicious cycle. He couldn’t confess himself to Rafa by phone but when he was right in front of him he only wanted to enjoy the moments between them.</p><p>Some days later, in Basel, he was checking the mails when his wife asked him, almost unthinkingly:</p><p>“How did Rafa take the news of the babies?”</p><p>Roger froze.<br/>
He tried to look confident when he said “uhm... well. He is okay...”<br/>
Unluckily for him, his wife knew him very better than that. He looked at him and it took just few second for her to realize and her eyes to wide in disbelief. </p><p>“Oh my god, you didn’t tell him!”</p><p>Roger sighed.</p><p>“I am sorry Mirka, I just can’t do it. When I am with him I just can’t bring myself to ruin the moment. We get so few chances to be together, and he’s always so happy. How can I-“</p><p>“How can you?? Roger I don’t recognize you. What if he finds out? How do you think he would feel if he finds out you’re going to be a father again  in six months?”</p><p>“Look Mirka, I know this. But it would be worse if-“</p><p>“It would be worse, no I am sorry but il WILL be worse, when he will be asked about it in his press conference. Cause you know press will find out soon!”</p><p>Roger just lowered his gaze, knowing perfectly his wife was being totally reasonable. He was a coward, as simple as that. And Rafa would end up suffering for his fault.<br/>
He was on the verge of crying and that was enough for Mirka to soften her ways a bit. She came closer and caressed his cheek.</p><p>“Rog, listen, you know I’m speaking for your good.”<br/>
He just nodded and she sighed.<br/>
“You love him for real, don’t you?”</p><p>Hearing those words he just let go. He allowed himself to cry. Not a desperate cry, not a sobbing kind of cry. Just a couple of tears, just the weight of a secret he didn’t even know why had become a secret.<br/>
Rafa was his confident. Rafa would never deny him to take care of his babies. </p><p>“Promise me you will talk to him when you’ll see him.”</p><p>“I will. I promise.”</p><p>And he was determined to. The lie came to an end in January. The new season had just begun and the Australian Open was about to start. As always they both had arrived in Melbourne a week before the first match, to have time to adjust to the weather conditions and to the surface.</p><p>Rafa was with his team, walking around the player lounge, laughing about something, when he saw Roger’s coach entering the room. He raised his hand in greeting and came a bit closer to shake hands with him when Mirka entered the lounge too. It took him instants to notice the evident bulge of her belly, clumsily hidden by a t-shirt far too big for her.<br/>
Rafa immediately dropped his sweet smile, and clasped hands with Edberg without paying attention to him anymore.<br/>
She made eye contact with him and that’s when she realized the heartbreak in the Spaniard’s eyes.<br/>
He forced himself to smile again, to her.<br/>
He knew he had to leave cause he was starting to feel bad but he felt frozen. He could do nothing but look at her trying to make sense of things. Trying to understand what he was missing. Cause it was impossible Roger hadn’t told him something so important. Right?<br/>
His team noticed the sudden silence and came closer. </p><p>“Estàs bé, Rafael?”</p><p>He shook himself out of his trance and urged to nod vigorously.</p><p>“Estic bé, tranquil”</p><p>Then he turned to Mirka and switched to english.<br/>
“Hi Mirka, sorry I was lost in thought. You okay?”, he said, not daring to look at her in the eye.<br/>
She didn’t answer and place and hand on his arm.</p><p>“Rafa, I’m sorry, I know now this seems something gigantic but is not that bad, believe me.”</p><p>“You don’t have to ask sorry, please. Don’t. Maybe I should.”</p><p>“Rafa-“</p><p>She tried to stop him but with a smile Rafa had already left the room, colliding with Roger just outside the door.<br/>
Roger met his gaze and smiled brightly but it lasted seconds cause he immediately realized what had to be happened. </p><p>“Raf wait...”</p><p>The Spaniard just raised his hands to prevent him from continue. He left and Roger entered the lounge, finding Rafa’s team gazing at him with a confusing look on their face. </p><p>Then the tournament began and Rafa was determined to focus on his tennis and his tennis only. Everything had to be left aside.<br/>
As always, he could do it.<br/>
He defeated Roger in the semi, and for the first time he didn’t allow himself to feel sorry for him.<br/>
Roger was supposed to leave the same day but he refused to without talking with Rafa before.<br/>
So they waited for the final and rescheduled the flight to Basel.</p><p>When the final started, it took Roger less than fifteen minutes to know for sure something was off.<br/>
Rafa’s shots weren’t even close to their usual efficacy and there was something in his grunt, something which would probably go unnoticed by everyone. But not to him.</p><p>“He’s injured”, he stated, worrying clouding his eyes.</p><p>“What?”, Mirka asked, trying to follow his gaze.</p><p>“Rafa is injured.”</p><p>“Roger are you sure? He seems pretty normal to me.”</p><p>“You don’t... I am sure.”, he repeated.</p><p>And he was.<br/>
Matter of time and Rafa was crouching, touching repeatedly his back.<br/>
He was trying to fight, he was giving all he had. But he just couldn’t. And it went worse and worse from there.<br/>
The first set went away rapidly and the second started badly.</p><p>“Fuck, he can barely move.”, Roger whispered, starting to get really nervous, shifting in his seat.<br/>
He was looking at Rafa on his screen and when he saw him asking for the towel, not to dry his sweat this time but to hide his face in it and crying, he covered his eyes with his hands, unable to look at him suffering that way.<br/>
The set ended and Rafa obviously lost it.<br/>
Everyone was expecting him to shake hands with the umpire and the opponent and go get some rest.<br/>
But Rafa still had something to say and just went to sit on his bench, preparing for the following set.</p><p>“No way. He’s fucking crazy.”, Roger said, unable to believe his eyes.</p><p>The third set started and with the first forehand Stan already had him out of the court, scoring an easy point.<br/>
Roger grimaced in pain.</p><p>“Retire, my love. Please, retire.”</p><p>He was almost crying and Mirka just observed him, not daring to say anything.<br/>
And Rafa didn’t retire. Not at all. Instead he won the set, without being able to serve. Barely being able to move.<br/>
Roger was astonished.</p><p>“How the hell did he do that?”, Mirka asked. </p><p>“He’s crazy. For fuck’s sake, get him out of that court.”</p><p>“Roger, calm down. He knows what he’s doing. “</p><p>“Yeah, cause he never pushes himself over the limit, does he?”, he answered ironically and she just decided not to say anything more.</p><p>Rafa was a fighter but there was just no chance for him to win the match. And he didn’t. He lost and was so graceful in his speech he caused Roger’s heart to skip a beat.<br/>
Unthinkingly he stood up and grabbed his coat. </p><p>“I have to check on him. Mirka sorry but I have to go, I can’t stay here while-“</p><p>“Just go Rog.”, she interrupted him before he could even finish the sentence.<br/>
He kissed her forehead and rushed out. </p><p>It was late in the night when Rafa came back to his hotel room. He found Roger resting his head on the door and stopped on his way. He wasn’t in the mood, he just wasn’t.<br/>
He spoke with his team in quick mallorquí, but Roger understood the goodnight and it was enough. Then Rafa pulled out his key card and opened the door, almost pushing past Roger. The Swiss was almost ready to accept his defeat and leave but Rafa didn’t close the door.<br/>
So he took his courage and followed him inside.<br/>
He reached him in the bedroom where the Spaniard was already starting to undress. They were silent. Too silent.</p><p>“Rafa, can we talk please? I’m not here to stay silent.”</p><p>“Yeah, why are you?”</p><p>“Cause I was scared Rafa. Are you serious? Fucking hell, you could have killed yourself!”</p><p>“Thank you for reminding me Roger! I hadn’t noticed it.”</p><p>“Don’t be silly, Rafael, please. You gave me an heart attack out there. I could barely look at the screen.”, he confessed and his pain was so visible that Rafa was prompted to slightly lower his defenses.<br/>
He just sighed.</p><p>“Roger, I am okay. I can’t retire every time I am in pain or I wouldn’t finish a single match. My body is not like yours. My body breaks. I break. And I have to keep fighting. I just have to.”</p><p>Roger came closer to him. That new proximity allowed him to look better at the man in front of him. Rafa had a big bandage which covered half of his back.<br/>
The Swiss couldn’t help himself and softly placed his fingers on it and felt Rafa shudder.</p><p>“Does it hurt?”</p><p>Rafa just nodded, not trusting his voice at all. </p><p>“I am so sorry, Rafa.”</p><p>The Spaniard gave up a little and placed his head on Roger’s shoulder. Roger tightened slightly his grip on him, paying attention not to hurt his battered back.<br/>
It lasted a couple of minutes. As if Rafa needed it, just a couple of minutes to recover from the days lived separated from Roger. He needed his oxygen.<br/>
Then he recovered his composure and parted their bodies slightly.</p><p>“Don’t be sorry. Is not your fault. My injury is not, at least.”, he said immediately cooling the mood again.</p><p>“Listen, Raf, I... wanted to tell you. I really wanted.”</p><p>“But you didn’t.”</p><p>“I didn’t cause... Rafa, every time I saw you, you were so happy we could be together. I didn’t want to make you sad.”</p><p>“I am sad now.”</p><p>“Baby, please...”</p><p>“Roger, don’t. Don’t call me that way, you hurt me.”</p><p>“Rafa I didn’t know. I didn’t know she was pregnant when we got together. I swear, I didn’t.”</p><p>“But you knew it after. And didn’t tell me.”</p><p>“I know.”, he concluded, covering his eyes and starting to cry silently.</p><p>“I can’t. I can’t deal with this now”</p><p>“I am so sorry, I...”</p><p>“Roger, I am too tired. I lost a grand slam final cause my body just won’t help me. I am tired to fight. To fight my body. To fight you. To fight what I feel.”</p><p>“Then don’t! Just don’t fight anymore.”</p><p>“For real you don’t understand? I can’t stop fighting. This is what I do. I fight. Since I was baby. I don’t know what to do if not fighting!”</p><p>“That’s why I am here. I can show you. Let me show you life is a lot more than a fight.”</p><p>Rafa came closer, he took his hand and squeezed it slightly.</p><p>“Roger, I love you. I love you since I was a kid. I have loved you for so long I don’t remember what it felt like not to love you. And you lied to me. It’s difficult enough to know you have a family outside of me but this moment I feel I can’t trust you. This is terrible for me.”</p><p>Roger looked into his eyes and felt his heart breaking a little.</p><p>“I am still me, Rafael. Look at me. I am the same as always.”</p><p>“I just... I need time.”</p><p>“Raf, we had time. I love you. I promise, I love you.”</p><p>“I know, and that’s why I am asking you to give me time. Please, Rog, this night is everything too much for me.”</p><p>Roger surrendered. </p><p>“Okay. I’ll respect that. Take your time but come back to me. I need you.”</p><p>Rafa relaxed for the first time in hours.<br/>
He hugged Roger tightly and the Swiss knew it was his tacit thank. Then he withdrew a little, just a little, and placed a soft kiss on Roger’s mouth. Just a graze of lips, but enough for Roger to think about it all the night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>“Estàs bé, Rafel?” = “Are you okay, Rafael?”</p><p>“Estic bé, tranquil” = “I am okay, don’t worry.”</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rafa took his time.<br/>Cause it was the only thing to do.<br/>He was hurt, badly. He wanted to be with Roger but something inside him was aching. The problem was Rafa had loved him for too long and when he had finally managed to be with him he had expected everything to be prefect, to be what he had always dreamed of.<br/>And yet Roger, his Roger, had lied to him and had broken his trust. <br/>It just wasn’t fair.<br/>He just wanted to be happy but it seemed like something always was not in its right place.<br/>He had cried. He had closed himself in his silences and left everyone out. But he couldn’t afford to be hidden for too much time. He was Rafa Nadal and people wanted to see him on court doing what he did the best.<br/>So he came back in Indian Wells but he wasn’t himself. The injury recovery wasn’t completely forgotten and his head wasn’t fully in the game.<br/>He suffered an early exit from Dolgopolov and left for Miami. There things started to get a bit better but he was crushed in the final by Djokovic.<br/>Rafa saw Roger during both tournaments. He saw him and every time he saw him he felt his heart going mad in his chest.<br/>There were moments in which he just thought “screw it, I want to forget everything”, but then he noticed Mirka close to him, her belly now really impossibile not to be acknowledged and he just sighed. It was like a physical reminder of how bad he had felt back in Australia, when he had realized Roger’s lie.<br/>And then he even started to blame Roger for his own bad results on court.<br/>He knew he was being childish but he just needed someone to release his anger on and he was so mad and so miserable not to have him that he only managed to drive him further away.<br/>And then the babies were born. <br/>And when he saw them, peacefully asleep in their parent’s arms, their little faces splayed on a magazine’s cover, he just decided he couldn’t go on like that. <br/>Roger had a family who needed him, and he couldn’t bear the idea to be in the middle. He knew he was the one Roger really loved but he loved Roger too, and maybe too much. Too much to burst in his apparent peace and ruin everything again.<br/>So maybe their promise wouldn’t be kept. Maybe it would remain just something so beautiful yet so fleeting he could have imagined it.<br/>His heart ached at the realization.</p>
<p>So time started to go by. And days became weeks, which became months.<br/>They kept looking at each other and talking a little when they met in locker rooms or practice courts but they carefully avoided to lock their eyes. They knew it would have been impossible to resist each other otherwise. <br/>Roger was waiting for him, still waiting for Rafa to come to him and saying “okay, I forgive you”. He was silently respecting the Spaniard’s request. He knew he was the one who had been wrong so, even though he was missing him badly, he knew it was only fair for him to respect Rafa.<br/>He just hoped that distance would be closed soon, cause yeah, now he had two more babies to take care of but not even that was enough for him not to think constantly about his love.<br/>He endured and endured, until he couldn’t anymore.</p>
<p>It was not before USOpen in 2016 that Roger decided it was enough. <br/>He waited for Rafa to finish one of his alway intense practice sessions and cornered him in the very first second he entered the locker room.<br/>The Spaniard looked shocked and Roger was quick to put an hand on his mouth to prevent him from screaming and calling someone’s attention.<br/>Rafa’s eyes relaxed when he realized it was Roger but his heart started to beat a bit faster.</p>
<p>“Rafa, I’m sorry for the bad ways but you wouldn’t listen to me otherwise.”, he said, removing his hand from his mouth an led gently putting it on his hips.</p>
<p>“Roger, what-“</p>
<p>“No, let me talk now. Please, listen. I miss you. I know you asked me for time and I tried to respect your request. But Rafa, it’s more than two years now. Don’t you think you have punished me enough?”</p>
<p>Rafa’s eyes widened.</p>
<p>“Punish you? I didn’t think of punish you...”</p>
<p>“Well but it looks like it. I can’t anymore, I swear, to watch you from afar, to see you and not be able to talk to you, to touch you... I just can’t. Can we stop this, Rafa? Please?”</p>
<p>“Roger, I thought... it was so long ago...”</p>
<p>“Yeah, cause you never came back to me. I was waiting. All this time. Well, I am waiting...”, Roger said, sadness clouding his eyes.<br/>Rafa looked at him and he felt all his feelings toward that man surging again.<br/>He smiled softly.</p>
<p>“So you were not going on with your life? You didn’t forget?”</p>
<p>“Forget? About you? Rafa, are you serious?”</p>
<p>The Spaniard was avoiding his gaze, so Roger lifted his chin forcing their eyes to meet.</p>
<p>“I would never forget about you. I could try a lifetime and still I could never.”</p>
<p>“Me too...”</p>
<p>That little whispered confession from Rafa was pure fresh air for Roger. It was like breathing again for the first time after months and months.<br/>He smiled brightly.<br/>He leaned in to kiss Rafa, to finally fill that void he felt in his heart since that horrible night in Australia. But just when he was inches from his lips, a bunch of players who had just ended their practice sessions bursted into the locker room, and they immediately part. </p>
<p>“So, I heard you’re opening your own tennis academy!”, Roger said, raising his voice tone to make the other players hear and to pretend that was being the argument of their conversation.</p>
<p>Rafa forced himself not to laugh and just said yes.<br/>Then Roger came a bit closer and said:</p>
<p>“Do you want me to come? To the opening of the academy, I mean. Would it help?”</p>
<p>The Spaniard met his gaze and frowned a little. “Are you talking serious? Or just for make other guys believe?”, he asked, almost whispering.<br/>And Roger smiled at the cuteness of that moment.</p>
<p>“I am serious. I want to be there if you want me.”</p>
<p>“I sure want you.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Deal, then.”</p>
<p>Rafa smiles brightly. He tangled his fingers with Roger’s, just for a couple of seconds. Not enough for anyone to notice but just to make him understand how grateful he was.</p>
<p>The day of the Academy opening arrived in a blur and Rafa was extremely excited. He wanted everything to be absolutely perfect. He was worried and full of tension but when Roger entered the place and tenderly smiled to him, he knew it was going to be okay.<br/>He showed him around, pride enlightening his eyes. Roger was incredibly supportive, pointing at this and that in sincere admiration.<br/>When he notices the glass with their outfits from Wimbledon 2008 final, his own wetted with tears.<br/>They posed for a pic and almost unconsciously their arms found each other’s back, like it was one of the uncountable net pics they had to take during the years. </p>
<p>The ceremony went on, Rafa was so glad to have Roger by his side, giving him all the support he needed. When the Swiss made his speech praising him and his efforts to build such a great academy Rafa felt really proud of himself for the first time in his life.<br/>When the last guest had left the academy they stayed a bit on the main court, inhaling deeply the Mallorca sea scent and admiring the sun beginning to set. </p>
<p>“Thank you, Roger. It really means the world for me that you are here.”, said Rafa, not daring to look at him properly and whispering the words not to ruin the peace of the moment.<br/>Roger came close and took his hand sweetly, intertwining their fingers.</p>
<p>“Don’t thank me, Rafa. It was amazing to accompany you in such an important day. You made me so proud, baby.”</p>
<p>Rafa’s heart skipped a bet hearing that sweet nickname. He had almost forgotten how sweet Roger’s voice sounded when he said that particular word to him. It made him feel so protected, so safe.<br/>He came closer and just placed his head on Roger’s shoulder, hiding in his neck.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry if I made you wait so long. A lot happened. I was angry and sad first, then babies came and then I thought you was no waiting anymore...”</p>
<p>Roger stroked his hair gently and placed a sweet kiss on his cheek.</p>
<p>“I have been terribly wrong. I disappointed you. It’s only fair you took your time. The important thing is that you came back now. I couldn’t ask for more, I promise.”</p>
<p>Rafa raised his head and met Roger’s eyes. Then the Swiss cupped his chin and softly placed the sweetest of kisses on his lips. It lasted just a second but it was enough for them both to feel everything again. Like they hadn’t ever parted at all. Rafa smiled and leaned in again, claiming Roger’s mouth and kissing him fully now, hugging him tightly.<br/>They went on for a long time until they parted slightly, breathless.<br/>They laughed softly never breaking contact between their foreheads.</p>
<p>“It’s like the first time”, Rafa whispered.</p>
<p>“At all. It’s way better.”</p>
<p>“You think?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Cause...”, Roger paused, trying to articulate a proper sentence without being overwhelmed by his emotions.<br/>“...cause this time I know what it’s like not to have you. What it’s like to miss you, to see you and know I have to let you be.”</p>
<p>Rafa just tightened his grip around Roger’s hand.</p>
<p>“Raf... now I know I am only half myself without you. Will you allow me to be myself again? Like, completely me?”</p>
<p>Rafa smiled brightly.<br/>“Of course, mi amor. Of course I will.”<br/>He kissed him again, more sweetly now.<br/>He felt Roger’ single tear wetting his own cheek and he stopped to meet his eyes.<br/>“Don’t cry. I’m here now.”</p>
<p>“I know. That’s why I cry, I mean, it’s an happy cry”, he smiled.</p>
<p>“Come on, come home with me.”, Rafa said, starting to walk towards his home and extending one hand for Roger to follow him.</p>
<p>Roger took it gladly.</p>
<p>It was the first time Roger saw Rafa’s house. He thought it was very nice and that it smelled exactly like Rafa. That scent of sea and pine trees Rafa always brought with himself all around the world. The same which invaded Roger’s dream during the time they had been separated and that he had learned to love and to recognize among thousands.<br/>He smiled unthinkingly and Rafa immediately gave him his proverbial eyebrow face.</p>
<p>“What’s funny Rogi?”</p>
<p>He took Rafa in his arms hugging him sweetly.</p>
<p>“I am just happy, you know? To be here, I mean, this is your home.  Your real home, not some random hotel room. I don’t know, in this moment it feels all real. More than ever.”</p>
<p>Rafa sighed contentedly and lowered his gaze.<br/>“Rogi, you can’t say these things...”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Cause you make me love you even more and I can’t take more...”</p>
<p>“That’s cheesy Raf”, he laughed, trying not to show how much those words had touched him.<br/>“But I love you too, a lot.”</p>
<p>They kissed again and that time it was more than an innocent kiss. It was pure fire and it led them straight to Rafa’s bedroom. Roger’s hands were on him before he could even realize it and when their skin came into contact it was like two years of waiting has been repaid in a single moment.<br/>They were hungry for each other and they only wanted to lose themselves in the other’s arms.</p>
<p>Rafa lay on his bed and Roger followed him, kissing sweetly every inch of skin he had in front of him. He caressed his biceps, strong and welcoming. <br/>He caressed his torso, his tights, and teased the elastic of his boxers, the only piece of fabric still guilt to be an obstacle between them. Rafa was already starting to breath heavily, lost in that familiar feeling which he was starting to forget. <br/>He was chanting Roger’s name sweetly and the Swiss was really losing it. <br/>When the Spaniard’s fingers found their way into Roger’s hair, he pulled down Rafa’s boxers and started to pleasure him with his tongue. <br/>The soft moans escaping Rafa’s lips were driving him crazy and it took him a couple of minutes to decide it was enough. </p>
<p>“I fucking love your tights”, he said, making Rafa smile. He would have laughed in other circumstances but he was way too gone.</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“Fuck yes. Don’t move, baby, stay here.”</p>
<p>“Won’t go anywhere.”</p>
<p>Roger unwillingly left Rafa’s warm body to reach for condoms and lube. Then he came back and started to push two fingers inside Rafa until he was begging him to replace them wit his cock.<br/>And Roger was more than happy to please him.<br/>He started to roll the condom on but the Spaniard stopped him intercepting his hand.</p>
<p>“Have you been with Mirka lately?”</p>
<p>“No, Raf. Nobody since you.”</p>
<p>Rafa’s heart skipped a bit and he smiled brightly.</p>
<p>“Then don’t. I want just you. I want to feel you Rog.”</p>
<p>“Jesus, Raf. Okay, yeah. Okay.”<br/>He spread a generous amount of lube on his cock and started to push inside him.<br/>It was the first time they did it without barriers and the feeling was overwhelming.</p>
<p>They move together, with the ease of the ones who know each other too well and know everything the other would like. <br/>It took them minutes to come. The feeling had been too strong and the two years without touching each other had been enough to bring them over the edge almost immediately.</p>
<p>“Well, that was quick...”, joked Roger when he could find his breath back.<br/>And Rafa chuckled.</p>
<p>“Too much time.”</p>
<p>“Definitely.”<br/>Roger smiled, and came a bit closer.<br/>“Fuck, Raf, I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too, Rogi. Let’s not put ourselves through this again, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay. Come here now.”</p>
<p>Roger held Rafa close and kissed his forehead, lulling him into his dreams.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>November 2020</p>
<p>Roger Federer was in the middle of a hall, full of players reunited there to give him his tennis goodbye. He had decided to retire, after having fulfilled the only dream he hadn’t catch until that moment. The Olympic gold medal. <br/>He had tried to give his attentions to everyone but his eyes kept searching for his Rafa, which was trying to stay a bit far from him.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to steal you all the night”, he had said. <br/>What he didn’t know was that Roger would have loved him to. He wanted to have him close, taking from him all the strength he needed to actually say goodbye to the most important part of his life.<br/>The other players screamed his name and invited him to give a brief speech.</p>
<p>He took the microphone and everyone went silent.</p>
<p>“Well, good evening you all. I want to thank you for coming tonight, I know everyone of yours would have had something better to do.”, he joked and everyone in the room giggled softly.<br/>“No but seriously guys, I am so happy to see you have bothered to come here to celebrate this moment so special for me.”</p>
<p>All the players were listening to him, someone with teary eyes, some other smiling melancholically.</p>
<p>“Every single one of you made me a better player in his own way. I had to play against you during all my career and you made it so difficult for me I almost regret having invited you here.”, he joked again, knowing he couldn’t allow himself to speak too seriously or the emotions would have taken the best of him once again.<br/>“You have all a special place in my heart, and I can’t thank you enough for everything you always did for me and with me but...”, he stopped.<br/>He met Rafa’s eyes and he felt all the love he had felt for him during sixteen years came to him in an unstoppable wave.<br/>He smiled.<br/>“... but I hope none of you will get mad at me if I say there’s one of you al which made for me more than I could ever have expected.”</p>
<p>Rafa froze and started to shiver slightly. His heart racing furiously in his chest.<br/>Before Roger could even say one more word, all the players had already turned to him, making him blush.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re smarter than I thought”, said Roger, noticing how quickly they had understood who he was talking about. <br/>When they turned to him again he resumed his speech.<br/>“I think is no surprise for most of you to hear that man made the most for me. He was little more than a kid when I met him and still had something to teach me. His attitude on court, his strength, his way to overcome obstacles and endure pain. Every time I played against him I learned something so, thank you Rafa. Thank you for making of me the player I have been.”, he concluded, eyes wetting with tears.</p>
<p>Rafa just shook his head sweetly and gifted him with one of his beautiful smiles.<br/>Roger was looking at him, intensely, barely raising his eyebrow. It was something imperceptible, a little thing only Rafa could notice. <br/>Roger was silently asking for his permission. Rafa’s eyes wide in disbelief and he started to panic a little.<br/>But then looked at Roger and just sighed.<br/>With a smile, he nodded softly.<br/>And Roger mirrored him.</p>
<p>“So, one last thing guys. I am retiring today but don’t believe you are getting rid of me, cause I fear I will have to stick around.”</p>
<p>Everyone was listening attentively, trying to understand where Roger was leading them. </p>
<p>“Well, I may be a bad guy sometimes but I would never leave the man I love alone. Someone has to hit with him, in the end.”, he said, like it was the most natural thing in the world. And maybe it was.</p>
<p>All the guests were silent, shocked by Roger’ sudden confession.</p>
<p>“So, Rafa. My rival, my friend, my confident. My love. Can I have the last dance of this night?”</p>
<p>Rafa was now fully crying but he nodded and came to him, hugging him tightly, while the whole room started to cheer and applaud.</p>
<p>They danced together, for the first time not bothering to hide. They were in the middle of a crowded room, sweetly holding each other and whispering love words.</p>
<p>“You’re crazy, Roger.”</p>
<p>“I know. But I have never been so happy to be crazy.”</p>
<p>Rafa sighed.<br/>“Can I kiss you?”, he asked.</p>
<p>Roger tightened the grip on his hand and smiled.<br/>“Don’t have to ask, Raf. I’m yours. Since always and forever.”</p>
<p>So Rafa did.<br/>And they finally found their happiness.<br/>Together.<br/>As always.<br/>And forever.</p>
<p>#end</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that’s all folks. <br/>Please, let me know if you liked the story.<br/>Thank you for reading.<br/>Love.❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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